


I Know

by StolenChilde



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, Possible trigger with homophobic language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StolenChilde/pseuds/StolenChilde
Summary: Jack asks Dean a question that catches him off guard. Dean has a lot of thinking to do.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 90





	I Know

**Author's Note:**

> This happens sometime after Jack returns but before what happens to him at the end of Destiny's Child.

**I Know**

“Why do you never tell anyone?” Jack asked. They were sitting in the War Room eating pizza and playing cards.

“Tell anyone what?” Dean asked.

“That you and Cas have a relationship,” Jack clarified. “Uno.”

Dean scowled and slapped down a few more cards. Jack frowned and sighed a little.

“Uno,” the nephilim said again.

“What do you mean? It’s kind of obvious that we’re friends. I don’t go around saying that Sam’s my brother all the time or that you’re my pseudo-kid. I suppose I’d say Cas and me were friends if it was the first time we were meeting someone as well… us.”

“Friends isn’t what I meant,” Jack said.

“What did you mean?”

“That you have a _relationship_. You’re more than friends. You love each other.”

Dean froze for a moment as he shuffled the cards. He cleared his throat, dealt them out then stood abruptly.

“I need another drink? You want one?”

“No thank you,” Jack shook his head.

Castiel was sitting in the kitchen reading a book. Dean’s steps faltered slightly as he entered then headed easily over to the fridge. He opened his beer, leaned back on the fridge and watched Cas as he took a few sip.

“Did you get frustrated with Jack winning again?” Castiel asked idly.

“No. What makes you say that?” Dean asked.

“You’re hiding out in the kitchen for one. Is there something on your mind?”

“You.”

Castiel smiled. “Is that right?”

“Yep. Anyway. The kid’s waiting.” Dean shrugged and left the kitchen. He couldn’t see but he could sense Castiel shaking his head as he left.

“Did you cheat while I was gone?” Dean teased as he came back into the War Room and slid into his chair. He grabbed another slice of pizza and his hand of cards.

“Cheating is wrong,” Jack answered genuinely.

“Yeah it is.”

They ended the game after a few more hands. Dean even managing to win one then Dean sent Jack to bed. Dean retired to the smoking chairs in the library a glass of whiskey balanced on his knee. He rested his head back and stared at the ceiling, letting his thoughts play around without really focusing on them until one materialized stronger than the others. Things not said. Was it really necessary to say it though? They never really talked about it. Never put it into words or many actions really. It was just something that was part of them. There was no one really to tell anyway. Everyone that loved them knew how they felt about each other. They didn’t exactly hide it. Dean wasn’t even really sure if he had words for what was between them. They just were. Dean and Cas. Simple as that. Sure there were rough years and uncertain years. Years he wanted to hide from it, but then he hid from any genuine emotion really. It just was. As he grew and yes, even matured, things got a little different. He was more open. More willing to say things he should because he began to realize he may not be able to say them forever. Castiel was supposed to be everlasting but more than one occasion proved he wasn’t. So he said what _needed_ to be said, but he wasn’t superfluous about it. But that was okay? Wasn’t it?

xx

Castiel checked on Jack as he always did before the boy rested for the night. Rather than under his sheets with his headphone and his laptop open, Jack sat cross-legged on the bed. A slight frown marred his young features.

“Is there something the matter, Jack?”

“Yes… No. I don’t think so. I’m just confused. I asked Dean a question earlier. He didn’t answer.”

“Dean does that sometimes. What was the question, if I may ask?”

“I asked why you two don’t tell anyone about your relationship. I’ve watched a lot of movies and tv shows and no one cares if you’re gay.”

“Oh. That’s not what I expected. That’s also a very complicated statement and a label I’m not sure is entirely accurate.” Castiel came over and sat on the edge of Jack’s bed.

The angel continued, “You’re too young to remember but ‘being gay’ has only recently been truly socially accepted. Even then, it isn’t universally so. The fact that those movies and television shows you talk about have even presented homosexual couples as everyday characters speaks to the leaps and bounds this world as taken in the last decade. Dean comes from a generation where the word ‘fag’ was thrown around daily as if it was nothing more than a childish insult. No one cared then how hurtful or horrendous it was to use that word with that purpose. Dean always strove to present himself one way to the world because that is what people and the media expected of him. Besides that, I can’t confidently say that Dean is gay, so to speak. Bisexual perhaps or maybe just… Dean.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not technically a man, Jack. I’ve been in a male body several times. I’ve been in a female body several times. Gender is perceived differently to angels. What happened between Dean and I… Was never intentional, or planned or even discussed. We just came together. It took many, many years before we found what we have now. There is much between us. Not all good.”

“How long have you been… together?” Jack asked.

Castiel smiled a little sadly. “Honestly, I couldn’t say and there are some more personal details that I don’t feel comfortable discussing with my child about his father.”

Jack blushed a little. “Oh, okay.”

“I hope I was able to answer some of your question, anyway. I’m sorry I can’t really be more helpful. I don’t know myself, sometimes.”

“That’s fine. I understand a little better now.”

“All right. Goodnight, Jack.”

“Night.”

xx

Dean was stretched out on the bed staring at the ceiling when Cas made his way into the bedroom. They didn’t always spend the night together, but they often did.

“Hey, how long have we been us?” Dean asked.

“The first time we had intercourse was 2010 just before I fully made the drop to human – the first time.”

“That’s ten years, Cas,” Dean said with a low whistle.

“I suppose it kind of is. But there were times in between when we weren’t really. We were doing different things or had different… people.”

Dean sat up. “They never meant anything to me.”

Castiel smiled gently. “Dean. It’s fine. I’m not upset. We were on different paths sometimes. We found our way back. Did what Jack ask really get to you that much?”

“It made me think.”

Castiel came over and sat next to Dean. Whether consciously or subconsciously, Dean gravitated closer to the angel when he sat down. They were both leaning on the headboard and Dean’s hand came down to grasp Castiel’s own, the gesture startled Castiel only slightly. They had different forms of intimacy typically: a stare, a touch, an unspoken phrase that didn’t need saying. A look, a gesture. Or, just the support of standing shoulder to shoulder.

“You never let me say it,” Dean said suddenly.

“Dean—”

“Why don’t you let me say it? You’ve said it. Do you not want to hear it?”

“That’s not it at all, Dean. You know that. It’s not that I don’t want to hear it. It’s because the first time you ever said it, I heard it without you saying it. Maybe before you even noticed you meant it. The looks you give me sometimes, your prayers. It’s in all of them.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “When did I first say it?”

Castiel sighed. “I don’t know if this is a good idea. Maybe I should—”

“Don’t you dare walk out of this room right now. When was it?”

“Just before I lost my memory. After the Leviathan, when I went into the reservoir. You picked up my coat and that’s the last thing I heard before it was all gone. That’s the first time you really, genuinely thought it.”

“That was years ago,” Dean mused quietly.

“A lifetime ago. We were both different people then. For a while it was hazy, your feelings for me, after I remembered who I was that is. You were confused and then so, so angry. It wasn’t until Purgatory that it became clearer again and I think since then maybe you’ve realized it too on a more conscious level.”

“I tried to say it when you came back,” Dean said quietly.

“I know.”

Dean played with Castiel’s fingers for a moment. He kept his gaze fixed on their interlocked fingers before he took a breath and said, “Do you want to get married?”

“Excuse me?” Castiel asked genuinely shocked.

“After all this is over. After we win and Jack has given us that paradise on Earth. I’m serious. Do you want to make this official? Something we talk about. Even if just for the kid’s sake.”

“How would we even do that?” Castiel said with a small chuckle. “You’re a wanted fugitive in most States if they even think you’re still alive anyway and I have no legal name of my own.”

“So you’d want to?” Dean asked.

“If it’s what you want, Dean. I will spend the rest of your days loving you in any capacity I am given the blessing to do so. If you want it, then yes, of course. But I certainly don’t need it.”

“Yeah and I don’t know how we’d manage it anyway. Like you said. And who’d officiate, Garth?”

Castiel laughed. “I’m sure he’d be thrilled.”

Dean chuckled, “Yeah, you’re probably right, he would be thrilled.”

“Hey Cas?”

Castiel opened his mouth to say his usual reply but changed his mind and said, “Yes, Dean?”

“I love you.”

Castiel smirked, “I know.”

“Dude! Did you just Star Wars me?”

Castiel just smiled.

**The End**


End file.
